I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
