It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
