I take back everything I said about communal showers
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
