We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
