They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
