You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
