she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize
