I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Randomize
