I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
