# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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