hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Randomize
