the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
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