You're a womanizer and a bitch.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
