My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
COCAINE IS GR8
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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