I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
