She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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