i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
