Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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