He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
