no, he came in my armpit
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
