No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
