Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
