He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
