So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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