my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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