the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
