WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Sorry about my life...
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
