i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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