does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
