God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize