So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i barfeds in our rink
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
