I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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