Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
