I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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