you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
