how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
