i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
