he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
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