I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
