i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Randomize
