I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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