So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
