Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
