haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
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