your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
