So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
