I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
