Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
We talked him into tasing himself.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
