I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
