OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
