the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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