just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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