It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
