i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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