Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Randomize
