Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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