she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
We have so much sex to catch up on
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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