we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
