just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
