The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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