Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
