addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
