I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
