I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
