forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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