Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
