I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize