oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
