Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
