Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
